It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
