You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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