Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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