bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
