You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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