in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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