i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
