Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
