you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
