let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
