i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
