Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize