Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
