i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
