Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
