When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I will pee on everything he values.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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