i just wanna soil my oats bro
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
