i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
