It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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