you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
