On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
