I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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