we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
