did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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