my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
