naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
