when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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