just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
