She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
