I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
