I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize