i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
