How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
