Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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