I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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