Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
