just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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