Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
