I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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