i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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