She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
