He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
