Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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