Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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