im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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