Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
