You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
