Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
