My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize