I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
