Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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