WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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