Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
