Screwed.edu
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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