i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
