Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just cut my nipple shaving
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
