dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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