i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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