Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize