It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
