No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
