just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
