I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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