what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
