i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
