I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
